Watching My Man Become a Daddy

I've mentioned it before but I'll say it again; my husband is a badass, leather-wearing, gun-toting biker and sports a full, grizzly beard that he is extremely proud of.

Yesterday I woke up on the hospital couch in Son's room without him noticing. I laid quietly with one eye open while watching him interact with our baby.

Son has a music/projector box that came with three simple spinning discs that project his "movies" (as we call them) on the ceiling. I watched Dan positioning Son around so he could watch his "movie", and it was the one with a moon wearing a night cap while other stars float around.

I hear him whisper, "Look, even the moon is going to sleep," as he comforts Son into slumber.

This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Loud And Proud

In case you didn't already know this about me, I have always had insane social anxiety. In a small group I will talk the ear right off your head, but as soon as I felt on the spot, or felt as though I was the center of attention, I would freeze up and tremble like a cold, little dog.

This always had a huge impact on my life. It is the main reason I dropped out of college. Something as simple as standing up to introduce myself on the first day of a new quarter would make me sweat and gasp for breath. It's also why we planned our wedding the way we did. I didn't want to be scared in front of a huge group on my special day.

One other thing you should know about me is that I love karaoke (even though singing isn't exactly my calling...), yet always had to be unreasonably drunk before getting up in front of a crowd. Even the knowledge that someone had put my name on a song request would make my heart race. The drinks couldn't come fast enough for that kind of fear!

Last night a few friends kidnapped us for a group night out at the karaoke bar. I proudly sang two songs before my first drink arrived (Time Warp, anyone?). More friends arrived throughout the evening. The girls and I spent the whole night hopping on stage to intrude on a stranger's performance as we jumped around while singing and dancing to it right beside them (dancing is also not my calling...).

I had SO much fun. I had a BLAST. I am still smiling.

I haven't quite figured this out yet, but something about Son's arrival and being treated like a farm animal after my c-section while simultaneously getting stripped of my modesty, might have cured my phobia.

This is a huge break through.

Grateful Tears

"Santa Phil" visited Son on Christmas Day and left a stocking with a blanket and rattle. We were not at the hospital at the time, but Son's nurse took a Polaroid photo of Santa leaning over bedside. It will never cease to captivate me and bring a tear to my eye when someone is willing to show kindness to a stranger. That photo of my 6-day old baby with Santa will be saved for life.

About 6 weeks later, I saw on the news that Santa Phil died, and I cried over a man that I've never even met.

On Valentine's Day, a volunteer group came around to all the rooms and gave fluffy stuffed animals to all the kids, along with a $20 gift card for Amazon.com. They were in our room for less than 30 seconds but already had me tearing up. Such a nice gesture for a stranger to show they care. Sure, blame it on my post-pardom hormonal changes, but these things don't just happen in day-to-day life! What is it about misfortune that brings people together?

I don't know how to word this next part without sounding like I'm boasting about my good deeds, but I have spent my whole adult life volunteering at soup kitchens, dragging a dozen blankets on a bus to downtown Seattle to attend outreach groups that provide food and warmth for the cold and hungry, volunteering at the improv theater in the University District, bringing home homeless people (sorry Mary), and being part of the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program.

Sometimes I have a "pity party" kind of day (as my mom would call it) while I contemplate, "I always help anyone in everyway that I possibly can, but where is everyone when I'm the one needing help?" My Earth angels have finally shown up in full force. I am so grateful my son is never alone and is getting all the love, help and support he deserves.

Karma couldn't have picked a better time to show up :)

Now I Need A Drink.

Son's new room at the hospital has almost zero cell phone reception. I roamed the hallways, arm fully extended with phone held up in the air, looking for a bar of reception because I needed to return a call.

I found reception in the lobby area by the hospital elevators. After connecting with the person awaiting my call, I apologized that it'd taken me so long to call back, and explained that I had to find a bar before calling. 

Then I realized that I was sitting on a bench, surrounded by a lobby full of people, all looking at me, wondering why I've just loudly proclaimed that I've been wandering around the hospital looking for a bar.

*smacks hand to forehead*

If you thought I was joking, I wasn't.

With nothin' but time, I just fired off emails to a few publishers. I've never done this before so we'll see what the process entails, but hoping to have our book published in 4-6 months.

It is titled after my current life motto...

In conversation with friends and family, people are constantly tilting their head while sympathetically saying, "Well, at least you are still smiling about it."

I respond, fully smiling, "All crazy people smile".

So there ya go.

"All Crazy People Smile" will hopefully be in a bookstore near you soon! Even if the only one sold is a copy for myself, I'm fine with that! Cause I will still be smiling while scratching something off the bucket list I wrote years ago.

And then maybe I'll try my hand at writing children's books. Pretty sure I'm odd enough to come up with something interesting enough to entertain a 7-year old :) .

Tried and True.

One thing you should know about me is that I never exaggerate, and if I accidentally do, I'll acknowledge it and say, "Okay... I did not actually wait an hour for the elevator while one million people got in before me." And when I say things like, "Trust me on this one," or "I'm being extremely literal," it's because I mean it through and through.

Son finally has been moved to a room that we're able to sleep in with him. Dan and I previously slept in a small parental sleeper unit an entire elevator ride away from Son's room in the NICU.

Finally feels like I really do have my family together, and that is a great feeling.

[This next bit might sound crazy, but a lot of things I say these days are usually prefaced by that statement. Get used to it, and then immediately start praying to God that I don't get into conspiracy theories or my thoughts on aliens. That'd make for some eyebrow raising reading. You might even want to read my most recent previous post before finishing this one.]

Anyways, Son got fussy a little bit ago and Dan jumped up to his bedside.

When Dan jumped up, I thought, "Eh, might as well test out his mind reading abilities."

Now here's the part where I say I'm being extremely literal. I stayed in bed and stared at him, using every ounce of thought power I have and thought, "Come on Dan... plug in the music box. Plug in the music/projector box, Dan! Son is bored and needs something to look at. Plug in the music box, Dan!"

He instantly fumbled for the music/projector box, plugged it in, fiddled around with it, and got the projector part set on an area of ceiling within Son's eyesight.

This is kind of cool.

No Words

I often joke that Dan's Indian roots have made him a mind-reading-voodoo-witch doctor, and that he needs to stay out of my head.

Is it weird to say that we have entire conversations without a single spoken word?

For instance, there are times when I'll be sitting on the floor of our hospital unit, stomach starts growling, and I think, "Hmmmm..... Qdoba sounds good." Dan will immediately look at me, say that he's hungry, and that we should go to Qdoba.

Or in the car, making the long trip home, ("TMI" ALERT!) I'm silently wondering if my order from the Passion Party has arrived and has been sitting on our porch. He randomly chirps up and asks about what I ordered.

I swear, I am connected to that man in ways that there really are no words for.

I was sitting on the floor, thinking about a YouTube video that I watched years ago, considering different keywords of how I could possibly find it again just to show Dan. He looks at me within seconds and says, "Hey have you seen that one video where the guy dances backwards in slow motion to that one song....?"

Yesterday, I was upstairs making the bed while thinking, "Hmmm, Son is at that point where he needs new things to look at... I should purchase a mobile to hang over his bed...and I'm thirsty, probably dehydrated. I should go get some ice."

Moments later, Dan walks into our room, with four cups of ice, and says, "I think we need to get a mobile for Son's bed." I shake my head and tell him to stay out of it!!

This morning he woke up, looked at me, and said, "Hey."
I responded, "Yes I will get you ice."
He says, "Perfect," and rolls back to his side.

Maybe his super powers are rubbing off on me :).

How To Catch A Cat

Trust me on this one.... if there is ever a cat that you desire to hold... just outstrech your arm with one single finger extended. 9 out of 10 cats seriously can't resist the urge to run up to you and touch their nose to your finger. Try it; I dare you.