Life has been very dry and static lately. Math class is still kicking my ass and I'm currently clinging to the lowest grade I've ever had. There have been a few low points where I'm just ready to throw in the towel, knowing that I will never need this skill... maybe that's why escaping on a forever-vacation to Europe appeals to me the way it does. The monotony of life here dries out my mind and leaves me feeling like there is nothing new or creative to say. [Sorry for all you blog readers out there.]
Well... okay, now that I think about it, I have a confession... I have posted a few times but decided to save my readers the wincing, head-shaking, painful read that they were in for. Truth be told, I am in love with the fact that one glass of wine always leads to another, but for some reason, my brain under the influence seems to think it's a good idea to share my feelings on ex-boyfriends and unrequited love. I continually delete these miserable posts as soon as I come back to my senses. The ramblings are rather entertaining for me to look back on, but probably incredibly pathetic in the eyes of anyone else.
But even with a clear mind, it still awes me how someone could have left such an impact during the short amount of time that our paths crossed. I also don't understand why/how people get stuck caring about someone that never reciprocated the feeling. Even though the whole fiasco in mention was months ago, old emotions were teased into resurfacing out of a simple chat with an ex, and then spiraling me into a level of self-destruct mode that has never been seen before. I need to stop doing that. I joke with Brad that drinking should only be for leisure, not to drown the sorrows of my failing track record with relationships.
And the thing that keeps me going, that keeps inspiring me to dream big are thoughts about Europe. Every night while I'm falling asleep, I imagine what kinds of new experiences lay within this adventure I'm planning. It's starting to feel like I'm looking for something. Maybe I'm hoping to find a world that will finally make sense to me, yet I know people are still people no matter where I go.
I'll letcha know if I ever find it.
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1 comment:
I think we are both crying out the same thing. Life seems really dry and dull and I know there is so much more. Backpacking in Europe sounds very tempting. Maybe I should really consider doing so with you. It seems much more worth while!!
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