Loud And Proud

In case you didn't already know this about me, I have always had insane social anxiety. In a small group I will talk the ear right off your head, but as soon as I felt on the spot, or felt as though I was the center of attention, I would freeze up and tremble like a cold, little dog.

This always had a huge impact on my life. It is the main reason I dropped out of college. Something as simple as standing up to introduce myself on the first day of a new quarter would make me sweat and gasp for breath. It's also why we planned our wedding the way we did. I didn't want to be scared in front of a huge group on my special day.

One other thing you should know about me is that I love karaoke (even though singing isn't exactly my calling...), yet always had to be unreasonably drunk before getting up in front of a crowd. Even the knowledge that someone had put my name on a song request would make my heart race. The drinks couldn't come fast enough for that kind of fear!

Last night a few friends kidnapped us for a group night out at the karaoke bar. I proudly sang two songs before my first drink arrived (Time Warp, anyone?). More friends arrived throughout the evening. The girls and I spent the whole night hopping on stage to intrude on a stranger's performance as we jumped around while singing and dancing to it right beside them (dancing is also not my calling...).

I had SO much fun. I had a BLAST. I am still smiling.

I haven't quite figured this out yet, but something about Son's arrival and being treated like a farm animal after my c-section while simultaneously getting stripped of my modesty, might have cured my phobia.

This is a huge break through.