His wish was fulfilled, and surprisingly, I didn't cry nearly as much as I thought I would.
It was still very emotional for me, even though I heard a few family members say things along the lines of, "He said goodbye to me a long time ago," and, "I don't have anything to say to him," and, "Oh I guess he was really selective about which grandchildren he liked." (Then how about you don't attend?!)
Yet with most of my family together, as I held my 5-month old son tight (looking stunning in his tuxedo, if I do say so myself!) we watched as Papi's ashes swirled around in the water until they dissipated. Mom tossed a personal letter off into the water to be sent out with him. Even though I'd prepared a mini speech, I just couldn't do it with so many negative vibes around us. Nobody else had any words to say, and at least two made it clear that they thought this memorial was a waste of time.
I tried to keep myself together but the only thing I could think of to say aloud through my sobbing was, "Papi, I hope you are still a sarcastic butthead in Heaven." (I wanted to say "jackass" ((as I lovingly called him to his face in life)) but there were children around).
Now, after I've had time to process everything, I feel extremely honored. Maybe he was selective about which family members to show love to, and he chose me.
And now my son has one more angel to smile at.
R.I.P. Papi
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