oh what a weekend

Sunday morning, er, early afternoon, after being up much, much too late with the gang on Friday and Saturday night, I finally managed to pry myself from sleep, only to look outside the window and see snow still floating down.

A snowy Sunday. The best kind. I love miserable weather. There's something beautiful about it.

This weekend has been quite the ride: Adventures with Jackie, sleep deprivation, lingerie, car accident, rum, pirate party, snow, and IHOP... all the ingredients of this fantastically-amazing-yet-horribly-painful weekend. I'm surprised I made it.

I added another notch in my driving record on Saturday. I'm not gonna lie, my civic took that hit like a champ. My back on the other hand... not so well. When I found out the other driver was only 16 years old, I took pity and spared her my wrath. I pulled her outta the torrential downpour of snow and into my car while we waited for cops, and for her parents. Besides my back hurting, I'm kind of okay with it, and at least I'll have some insurance money rollin' my way soon. The irony in it is that I just settled with Allstate from my November accident, and the check just came yesterday. Screw college! I've found my new calling.

The pirate party was still great. It was my theory that I could drink faster than the pain could set in, but it caught up around midnight and my ability to move much went out the window. Lucky me, I wrangled someone into giving me a fantastic back rub. What a lifesaver.

I'm not very inspired today and don't have much else to say.

Later.

healing power of friendships

I'm having one of those days when it feels like there is nothing wrong with the world. I'm happy with life, and happy to finally be moving forward. It's easy to be lighthearted once you can actually let go of the past. I've still got a lot to let go of, but every day that passes brings more release.

Last night I dreamed about Chris and was having a hard time shaking it. All I can keep reminding myself is of a quote I read, "Don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future." I shouldn't even allow my thoughts to dwell on him for more than a few seconds because he's not even worth it, shouldn't even be worth mentioning, but I couldn't help it.

I'm about to head out for some much needed girl time with Jackie and Lynsey. I would be lost without my amazing friends. Did you know that a person who has a sense of belonging has a better chance of staying healthy than someone who is isolated? I don't know all the science behind it, but it directly affects the activity of your immune system, and also fights off all the obvious stuff like anxiety and depression. Crazy. Guess that's my random fact for the day.

the silent world

Some people are blessed with artistic talents, unfortunately, I am not one of them. I'm unable to express myself the same way an artist could create a world with paints; I am merely a writer. I am a spider, spinning a web of meaning with words and images pulled from my soul. I display my beautiful and fragile work to the world, hoping to lure my readers, to catch them in my web of words and change their lives.

Tonight, I have a lesson I wish to share: expect nothing, and appreciate everything.

I've been reflecting on the last few years of my life throughout the night. I just read through a dozen blogs that I wrote around high school graduation time. Not even two years ago, but the difference in who I am versus who I was is indescribable. My language was young, and ideas of adult life were so elementary. The people close to me at that period of time are now nothing more than shadows in my heart. I wish I would have cherished those times before it was too late. It's important to understand that friends come and go, but you should hold onto a precious few. The older you get, the more you need people who knew you when you were young.

I wouldn't have made it very far if I had no one to rely on throughout the last few years of my life. Sometimes the smallest gesture would make the biggest difference in my day. I hope my friends and family know that I genuinly appreciate all they've done for me.

Change the world in 30 seconds

I am in bed, sick to my stomach, conscious enough to know I should be doing something, but too groggy to do anything well.

Earlier I laid in bed for a good half hour trying to remember the jingle to the medicine commercial that is advertised as the “Nightime-Sniffling-Sneezing-Coughing-Aching-Stuffyhead-Fever-So-You-Can-Rest” medicine. I have it all: I need summa that.

I was working on a blog about "Ways to be Productive in Bed", but it didn't seem like a very purposeful thing to write about. I changed my direction towards the good of mankind, and came up with a list of ways to change the world in 30 seconds. Enjoy.

1. Smile at a stranger.
2. Donate old clothes to Goodwill or a homeless shelter.
3. Random acts of kindness. For example, pay for the person behind you in the Starbucks drive-thru, then just drive off. It will put a smile on their face and I wouldn't be surprised if they repeated it in the future.
4. Let another car merge. This is one I need to practice. Road rage kills!
5. Pick up a piece of trash and put it in a garbage can.
6. Return your shopping cart to the store instead of letting it roll around the parking lot.
7. Tell someone you love them, and mean it.
8. Say "Bless you" when someone sneezes.
9. Recycle.
10. Give someone another chance for a new first impression.
11. Stand up straighter and walk with confidence.
12. Find a way to authentically encourage someone in their efforts with a “you can do it!” comment.
13. Park at the back of the parking lot instead of up front.
14. Turn the heat down. (That's a tough one for me).
15. Ask someone “how are you doing?” and then be ready to truly listen.

Unofficial #16.... bring Ace some potatoe soup and a fantastic new movie to watch. Figuring out how to save the world is tiring.

thought for the day

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

This is from the book, Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom.

porn, liquor, and munchies.

Lazy days are wonderful. The gang and I were up until about 4:30am before finally falling into a liquor induced sleep. It was one of those nights that we tried to be productive; there was talk of going to the hooka bar, going dancing, going to play pool, maybe head out to a party, etc., but when it comes down to it, I think we'd all rather stay at home and hang out with eachother.

My group of friends are the most intriguing people you will ever meet, the kind of people that makes "normal" people tilt their head and say, "Huh?"

We ventured out of the house on a mission, and somehow it turned into being gone for a few hours. We (and by "we", I mean: Jackie, Dan, John, Crystal, and myself) started out at Lover's Package. Hey, don't judge - it's one of our favorite pasttimes. We left the store(left? more like kicked out 15 minutes after closing) with a couple porn dvd's and a game called "7 common answers for highly horny people".

We headed home after spending wayyyy too long at Albertsons. The midnight munchies turned into a $30 expense while Crystal and I picked up one of every dessert we saw. I'm not gonna lie, it was a delicious night.

I was woken up at 9am by John trying to drag me out to breakfast. Little did he know, it would take 3.5 more hours before I was making any effort to move. Dan and Jackie came out of their room around that time and it turned into a group outting. Even the most normal activity is better when I'm surrounded by friends. Jackie can barely make dinner at the house without it turning into a party with our 10 closest friends. I love that.

I can't even express how much I love this phase of life. I am so content hanging around in our overcrowded house, our mediocre jobs, and the slumber party that never ends.

Charmingly single

Taking a step back from dating has been amazingly refreshing. This may sound strange, but I've spent the last few weeks observing those around me. Maybe I'm missing something, but it seems like most of the people my age have pointless relationships. I don't want to be someone who spends a whole relationship mistaking pleasure for happiness. I don't want to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone.

Everyone's heard the phrase about only wanting something because you can't have it. I never realized how true that was, and also how much growing-up guys still have to do at this age. Recently, I spent a few weeks being tugged around by a guy that I was interested in, just waiting for him to decide he cared enough to be with me. I put too much effort into someone I'm interested in, and when I get blown off, it seriously destroys me into thinking what is wrong with me.

But now, within days of my proclaimed year of celibacy, Mr. Wonderful flocks back into my life expecting to pick up where we left off. Well there's also a saying: ya don't know what you had until it's gone. Another fine example of guys in my life never knowing what they want.

I always be a hopeless romantic and I can honestly still say I believe there will be a moment when all of the dating disasters, the unreturned phone calls, the silly games and emotional unsteadiness, crying into a pillow and having "just one more beer" will make sense and end with me happy with a guy who is going to love me for all of my ridiculousness and flaws and who will just get me.

And if there's not, there's always tequila and Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name." Sing it, man.

Stay tuned.

about time for me

Today has been a good day. The long car ride home from Oregon was nothing but time to think. I've been saying for awhile that I'm near pathetic when it comes to relationships, but today I had a delta moment when in looking back at my love life, I could only ask myself, "Why?"

Why did I put up with such pointless stress? Why did I ever want a boyfriend? What good did it do me?

Maybe I'm needy, maybe I'm too picky, maybe it's true that I over analyze stupid stuff and pick apart every guy that isn't Chris. Pathetic to admit, but yes- it's all true. Anyways, you've all heard that story before so I'll get to the point.

Today I decided that I'm going to be single for a whole year. Relationships aren't good for me and I'm not good for them, at least not right now or anytime in the near future. It's easy to laugh it off and admit that ever since Chris happened, I've been a pro at 3 week relationships, and it's taken me awhile but I think I've finally learned my lesson. I'm going to learn to be happy with myself, by myself, for myself. No more depending on someone else to make me feel wanted, just because it seems like all my friends have someone.

Seems like if I announce it in front of everyone, it makes it more official. So there we go.. I'm going to be single until March of 2009.

a good reminder

Today I endured the 6 hour drive home from deep Oregon but it was amazingly worth it. I had a blast with my old friends, and now I'm wondering why I ever let two years go by without a visit. I didn't even realize how much I missed you guys! I keep looking at our old pictues, and thinking about how we dug through our old yearbook and scrapbooks last night, and it kinda makes me sad thinking about how much life changes. Back in those days (only 4 years ago when I left) I thought we would all be together and best friends for our whole lives. Now I can't imagine life without my washington best friends, but I have to remind myself that everyday we are changing and never know what will come tomorrow. It's a good reminder to hold onto the ones you love, and keep them close even when they're far away.

Amanda and her boyfriend Kyle came all the way from Florida, and Kayla came from Hawaii for our reunion. You always know who's a real friend when it's just like old times after not seeing eachother for 2 years. I hope all of us are lucky enough to find more good friends wherever we end up. Keep in touch you guys. I love you forever.