Hey, I'm not bitter.

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there... to serve some sort of purpose, to teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. Sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, will power or heart.

Someone came into my life recently and had a brief but meaningful visit. Through his friendship, I realized a lot about myself, especially when being called out on a couple generalizations I make, such as being told, I'm "too young to be so bitter at the world." I'm not bitter at the world... really... and I hope I don't come across that way. I think life is great and I couldn't be happier with the people in mine. It's the new people that come into it that I've learned to question motives. It's not a bad thing to be cautious, especially with men. Everything I do has a reason behind it. I push guys away because I like them better at a distance. Everyone knows I have absolutely no desire to date so it's better to keep a definitive line there from the beginning. Is that bitterness? Or just knowing what's better for me?

I read back over my old blogs that I have saved on a flash drive, and a journal that I sometimes write in. I realize that I make the same mistakes over and over again and yes, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm almost always late to my first class, I hardly ever make my bed, take my dishes to the kitchen, or return phone calls, but I’m happy. Happier than I’ve ever been, if you can believe that. I’d love to be in love, but not so soon after the Chris fiasco. One day, my friends, but for now, I'm happy knowing that I'm too selfish for a functional relationship, and that there's too much of the past still in me. Give me a few more years of "waiter hunting", Seattle adventures, radio hosts, random parties, shenanigans, hotels and hookah bars before I ever commit again.

Here’s to hope and eternal optimism. To partying. To having a good time. To dating but remaining single. To those who got away and the ones I’d wish would never come back. Cheers.