It seems like change is the only constant in my life. Once in awhile I glance back on my old blogs to see what I was up to a few months ago, who I was interested in, what I was concerned about, etc. It’s only then that I realize the bad thing about keeping a public blog. It leaves me wide open for everyone to make observations about patterns I fall into, and how I change through different people that come in and out of my life. But if I really disliked that people are able to keep tabs on me, I wouldn’t keep writing.
Anyways, my reason for today’s blog is because over the weekend I was updating a friend on my “current events”, and told him about how “Charming” already had his eyes on me. This friend says,
“Jacee, don’t you ever think you should just… I dunno… be alone?”
Well, yes, that’s a fantastic point, but see, the thing is that I already know I am just fine being alone. The problem is with the people who constantly need someone else around just to feel happy. There is nothing at all about being single that bugs me. I don’t mind being my friends’ 3rd or even 5th wheel, sometimes I take road trips by myself, and sometimes I go out to a movie by myself if there’s something I want to see.
It wasn’t always like that though. It took me a long of being alone after the break-up with The Ex last year before I was comfortable being on my own. Now that I’m to that point, being single is great, but it’s also nice to have someone to call and say goodnight to before bed. The talking part is the best part, and is basically the only reason I ever keep anyone around. If we have stupid conversations or awkward silences, not happenin’.
And so yes, currently, I am “alone”, but all that means to me is that I have no valid reason to push Charming away from getting to know me just because it happens to be close to when my recent interest came and left so abruptly. But that is all beside the point. Earlier today I came to the conclusion, (mind you, this was after I feeling very lucid and PUMPED from cardio yoga, went jogging, and rearranged all the furniture in my room), that the reason I have no problem being alone in every sense of the word is because if all else fails (and I don’t find someone who will ACTUALLY stick around), I would love to just bust through life as one of those powerhouse women who doesn’t need anybody else (besides my family and friends XOXO :)
Maybe that’s just the jaded/bitter heart in me trying to get its two cents in, but I don’t see that turning out so bad. I’m glad knowing I can be happy either way.
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Through independence you really find who you are. People around you can bring you happiness, but when all your trust and happiness is consumed within them...you have nothing left for yourself when it all goes down. Your post does have some jaded attributes throughout it, but there is also a hope that I see. A hope that "the one" is still out there. The thing to realize is that no "one" person will be everything to you. There will always be differences, there will always be fights and without these things there is no good. You are good people, just lost in yourself. Take my Myspace quote for instance (written by yours truly) "Without a map and lost in thought" so true. No one can open your eyes to things in front of you. There is no rule book or guide. Just your heart and your dreams. Both of which should never some second to anyone. Keep enjoying "your time off" from relationships and truly discover Jacee, then you will discover life and love in the purest/simplest form.
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