An Open Letter To Myself

Dear Jacee,

There are some things you've really been needing to hear, and since nobody else knows quite what to say, looks like this is the only way to do it.

There are things you need to let go of. Just a few days ago, you were afraid when your phone rang at midnight to inform you that Chris was released, but then WHY are you now wishing you could talk to him? The phone calls from blocked numbers have already started, and we both know it's him, and I also know you think about answering it just to hear his voice. Well what the hell do you think he would say? That he was sorry?? Grow up, Jacee. This is not the time to play the "what if...?" game.

I know it's hard, and I can't tell you when it'll ever get easier. But trust me on this one - it's better this way. Let the ashes fall as they did and don't stir it back up.

And take responsibility, Jacee! When I say responsibility, I don't mean accountability, nor blame or guilt. I mean taking the issues that have been given you and methodically and wisely deal with them. From this day forward, if you do not accept this responsibility, you then become accountable and will be the blame for all that has happened. And only then will you have the right to feel guilty, because you will be.

There is one more thing I want to say. I've never told you this before, because I thought you knew. That is my mistake and am changing it right now. And please think of this often: Nobody can do for you what I can; nobody can help you like I can; nobody can love you like I can. I am your best friend. And there is nobody else that I can say that to.

Love, me.