And the Darwin Award Goes to....

...me, yea I hate to admit it, but lol... I really just got myself into (and out of) quite a mess.

The crazy series of events started when I realized that there was no more laundry soap left in the house. I don't normally get so determined over such petty things, but it was 4:00am, and I was determined to get my laundry done.

My car hasn't moved from it's frozen spot in the driveway since the snow started, but since the outside temperature has gone up a bit, I was feeling more confident about driving as I surveyed the driveway and road. Seemed slushy... nothing too bad. No big deal...

Something you must know about me is that I am a creature of habit, and this morning I did something I always do when starting my car in cold weather: squeezed my faux hiking clip key chain to release the ring of house keys from the ring of car keys, and left the car running in the driveway while I run back inside with the house keys to get dressed.

Moments later, fully clothed and ready to rock, I head back outside and did something else I always do: turn the handle lock on the house door before pulling it closed it behind me.

House keys still in my pocket, I hopped in the car, threw it in reverse... but didn't get very far. My tires were spinning before even clearing the driveway. Fortunately, my salvation presented itself as a shovel leaning up against the garage door. Even though my toes risked frostbite at the prospect of shoveling snow in flats, I scraped the driveway clean and was once again ready to go. I grasp the driver door handle but it doesn't give.

And that's when I realize it... I've successfully locked myself out of my running car, but it's okay because I know I have a spare in the house. I head to the front door because luckily I should still have the ring of house keys in my sweater pocket.

...And that's when I realize that my sweater pocket is empty. Cell phone and house keys gone. I stand at the foot of my driveway in the 4:30am dark, looking at my huge lump of discarded snow, knowing that my house keys must be in there somewhere. Fuck.

I dug in the mound of snow while being soaked in rain for over an hour while my car was still running in the driveway. I found the phone, and then awhile later, in a completely different place, I found the keys. Upon letting myself back into the house, I recover my spare car key, change my clothes, and head back outside. I will not let this series of annoying events keep me from completing my mission.

... And all this for some freakin' laundry soap.

Things I am grateful for right now.

1. ...knowing that I will have almost my whole family together for dinner on Christmas day.

2. ...the hat and mittens that Bronch gave me yesterday. My mom had been telling me earlier in the day that I needed to buy some. Thanks buddy.

3. ...my amazing dad that picks me up for work so I don't have to drive in this weather.

4. ...that my power is back on.

5. ...that the buses are still running on Christmas. I think I'll bus it down to Seattle. Maybe.

6. ...for my little kitty purring on my lap right now. She's a rambunctious little devil about 95% of the time, but I absolutely adore her.

7. ...that my advent calendar is at my parents house, and when I go there today I'll have a lot of catching up to do :)

Pt. 2: Things you never knew about me...

1. I seriously despise flavored toothpaste. Ugh.

2. Even though I very rarely sleep with a pillow, I have 5 on my bed. No clue why I do that.

3. I am a complete pansy when it comes to driving in the snow.

4. Thrift stores are my favorite form of shopping.

5. I hate talking on the phone. (You should text me instead).

6. I am obsessive/compulsive about the way towels should be folded.

7. Reality TV disgusts me, but I could watch documentaries and crime solving shows until the end of time.

8. I can fall asleep anywhere if I'm tired enough.

9. My closet is organized by color and style of clothing.

10. I love college, but I think a degree is essentially useless for me. Degrees look good for an employer looking to hire you- I plan to work for myself in some way or another.

11. I believe that God is the goodness that lives within you, and that he manifests himself through nature, not through organized religion.

12. I will destroy you in air hockey and guitar hero.

13. I still feel guilty about telling a girl in 2nd grade that I didn't like her socks.

14. I chew my nails when I'm anxious.

15. (This one will probably make you raise one eyebrow, if you're talented like that): Sometimes when I'm extremely bored at work, I roll up my pant leg and tweeze hairs out of my leg. Sure cures boredom.

That's all I've got for ya. My first post like this (way back when) was a lot longer... so I guess you should have a pretty good handle on me by now...

I met the President of the U.N...

Earlier today I received an e-mail from Todd requesting help for an impromptu outreach group tonight. The meetings are normally every other Tuesday and this would have been an "off" week, but feeling the freezing temperatures, Todd decided to put us out on the streets tonight as well. Monica and I hopped on a bus as soon as we got off work and shivered down to Seattle.

It's roughly an 8 block walk from the bus stop to the meeting place, and in passing an outdoor seating area, there was a man in a wheelchair with a tiny blanket around his shoulders. My heart went out to him and I dug around in my purse to find the one hand warmer that I knew was in there somewhere. Without any other supplies to offer, I approached him with my one hand warmer and offered it to him. He refused it without even looking at me. Upon receiving his rejection, I turned to a man a few feet away, offered it to him, and he accepted it graciously.

We carried on with our walk to the meeting place, and once the troops were assembled, we headed back out to the streets. My group walked back past the wheelchair man and even though I warned her that he probably wouldn't accept anything from her, Jan approached him anyway. Within seconds of her presence, he started rambling about how he is President of the United Nations while she wrapped an emergency blanket around him.

I thought that was amusing and wanted to share the experience, even though it's kinda sad because I know there is a good portion of homeless people that are in that situation because of a mental disorder. I wish I could do more than just offer a little warmth, but I'll spare my parents the agony of bringing home another homeless person :) .

(You're welcome Mom, haha)

Finding Appreciation

The neighbors left their porch light off again without knowing they were creating the perfect venue for me to reflect in the darkness of my own stoop, surrounded completely by the freezing night. I welcome any chance to think in peace.

I don't know what it is about nights like this that captivate me so. Maybe it's the right-braininess of my character that chooses to survey a dreary night and only take in the raw beauty of it all. With each moment I take in something that I had previously missed, like the way a wave of snow cascades down from a weak branch everytime a strong wind blows. These moments just after midnight are so peaceful.

As much as I wish I could find something beautiful in everything, while I make the lap around my neighborhood, it's impossible not to notice the almost forgotten remains of many houses left unfinished, most are nothing more than a cement foundation. The work sites were abandoned back in the summer time as the builder realized that his work was no longer selling. I feel bad for him because I view these property remnants as evidence that our society is crumbling, and the phrase that keeps coming to mind is that graveyards of our economy lay stranded in my own backyard.

It brings thoughts back around to my own life. Things are indeed changing, but in growing up, I think change really is the only constant. Everyday I am learning more about myself and reflect it upon every choice I make: what classes I sign up for, who I choose to spend time with, what things are important in my life, etc. I am pretty sure I've pinned down what I want to do with my life, but it revolves around a few factors, so I guess what it comes down to is that things are very rarely "for certain" in my life.

There is also something brewing these days that I think has real potential to be amazing, but it involves some definite work on my part. As much as I convince myself that I'm over the past, that I'm over all the things that most people will never know about me, wounds continue to reveal themselves as new situations unfold.

Through no fault of his own, I realized that someone who is absolutely perfect in my eyes is all it takes for all my feelings of inadequacy to surface. I don't know how I will ever get over that, but I hope someday soon I'll develop the sense of security that I haven't felt with someone in ages.

I finish the lap, as well as my reflection, and arrive back at my house.

Upon stepping across the threshold, before even kicking off my snowy boots, my sister's husband Rick looks at me in bewilderment and regarding my absence into the freezing weather says,

"Was it worth it?"

"Yes." And with that, I head upstairs.

I don't bother explaining how amazing it can be to wander while the darkness saturates my being. I already know that few people seem to appreciate it the way I do. The universe will never cease to hold my curiosity and leave me in awe.

It's that time of year again...

If you were planning on buying me a gift this year, try this instead:

http://www.changingthepresent.org/hunger/gifts

Happy Holidays.

I couldn't wait...

... to post this after Christmas. In fact, most of my family members already have their copies of the movie as a testament to how impatient I am. It probably won't give you the warm fuzzies since it's not your family, but it's evoked quite a few tears from the womenfolk in my family so far.
Enjoy.
(Turn your volume on)...

I am very lucky.

This year for Christmas I am giving everyone in my family the same thing with the hope that it will be universally enjoyed by all of them. It is basically a digital family photo album of 2008 in review, which happens to be perfectly complimented by Rascal Flatts singing "My Wish" in the background.

So here I am in front of my computer, it's 1:13am, and I can't sleep. I decided to stir myself outta bed for awhile and came down to watch this project of mine as some sort of therapy. I just need to feel better right now, and thought perhaps looking at a video of my family would be a great remedy. Whenever I'm having a bad day, it helps to remember that I'm not in this alone. I'm not gonna lie, today has been a very hard day. I can almost say with certainty that this is the worst day I've ever had.

This morning, I arrived at school on time for my two hour math final, settled into my desk feeling confident about the outcome, but my morning was instantly set off course when I realized that my extra credit packet was missing. Doesn't sound like a big deal, I know, but this was the extra credit packet that I've slaved over, lost sleep over, and stressed about for the last week. And hey go figure, on the last possible day to turn it in, it's nowhere to be found. My day was doomed from that point on.

By 9:20am, the scheduled amount of time for the final was expired and I shuffled out of the classroom grumbling and kicking my feet around. But no, that's not all. It gets better. At 11:00am I found myself in mental anguish at the dentist office, trying to prepare myself for what was about to happen. Two hours later, after writhing around in the dentist chair, after watching blood spatter on my clothes from the drill, after squeezing my hands so hard that the dentist told me they had turned green, and after crying the whole way through, I finally emerged with 4 wisdom teeth having been successfully removed. My day since then has been a blur.

So anyways, back to what I was saying: I was laying in bed, swallowing mouthfuls of blood, thinking about the movie I made and wanted to watch it. And now, after watching it a few times through, I realized a few things.

I realized why I love taking pictures. Watching photos of my loved ones move across the computer monitor, it's impossible not to think about that moment in time when I make everyone pause to smile for me. That little concept right there makes me so happy... I take pictures, and people smile at me while doing so. And needless to say, I'm thankful for the fact that I have so many amazing people in my life to include in the album. Watching this is a true reminder of how full of love my life is. That's a very good feeling.

I'll probably post it on here after I've distributed them out to everyone. Wouldn't want to ruin the surprise.

[[ Disclaimer: I've taken quite a few pills by this point and am sort of loopy. My thought process is kind of hazy right now, so until I come back to proof read this tomorrow, please overlook the choppiness of it all.]]

getting ready to retire my backpack

Ahhh yes, the time has come again for me to hang up my backpack and kick the school books under my bed for a few weeks. Another quarter is wrapping itself up just in time to enjoy the holidays in peace. Thank God for that.

Anyways, enough of current events. For those who are only here for the gossip portion, I do have a couple tid-bits to share... There is a man... a very charming, oh-so-adorable man with an amazing smile and a personality to match. He's been around for a few months but managed to keep under the radar until recently.

I've got that whole "singing-from-the-rooftops-even-though-my-face-hurts-from-smiling-so-much" thing going on right now. *Sigh*

Finally, a good thing emerged from all the early mornings of dragging myself through math class.

Photos anyone?

Since I'm fairly broke as usual, my Christmas present to family and friends this year are holiday photos for anyone interested. I've got a fairly small studio set up in my house that will be there throughout the weekend. It will fit roughly two adults or three kids, but we can always get creative and squish everyone closer together if needed. Here's a picture of what I'm working with, but it's still a work in progress. When I get home later I'll will probably remove the two pillars of sticks on each side and make room for a Christmas tree instead.

E-mail me if you are interested... pictures are free and I will burn them to a cd for you.

blondeladyjc@gmail.com

"... I just wanna feed people..."

...These are the words of my new friend, Todd, while he talks about his reasoning for starting a street outreach group. The teen shelter he worked at for years came close to closing it's doors recently, but was thankfully bought out by another organization. That shelter is still open and daily providing help to people in need, but that close call was enough incentive for Todd to start his own volunteer funded group. Knowing how state funded programs work, and how tricky the workings of a non-profit organization can be, he set out with only his own funds at his disposal, and set out recruiting volunteers on craigslist.

Tonight was a big group, and a very successful feed. About twenty of us crammed into the lobby of Todd's apartment building as we ran an assembly line of bag packers. I lost track of how many bags were packed, but we divided into groups of 5 or 6 and hit the streets with bulging backpacks.

He instructed, "If anyone asks what group you are with, just say you're a concerned citizen."

And that's the way it should be. Nothing more than people helping people without all the red tape.

Our night ended when we ran out of bags to distribute, even though five sets of hands were still outreached towards us. Todd promised more bags next time when we head out like the mailman; rain or shine. Let me know if you'd like to join.

Snow Camping (minus the snow)

Twice a week in yoga class, my instructor leads us in a few moments of meditation after we're done exercising. She tells us to "release the conscious effort of breathing" while we relax. This is a weird concept to me because I'd never thought of breathing as a conscious effort. And of course, while I'm supposed to be clearing my mind, I can't stop the snowballs of thought from falling freely in my head. It's like a snow globe that someone has shook up, and I can't force the thoughts to settle until they are ready. But after this weekend, I think I finally understand what she's talking about.

As tradition calls for, my friends and I went on our annual snow-camping trip up to the Snoqualmie Falls area. We had a great time even though the weather didn't cooperate and there wasn't snow at our spot. Shortly after arriving on Saturday, after the tents had been set up and the fire was roaring, five out of our group headed up into the hills to go shooting. I stayed behind to hold down the fort with the two remaining guys. After sitting around the fire with the guys for about 15 minutes, they decided to go hack down some trees for fire wood, and I was left alone. I walked out to the river and perched myself against the natural rock ledge by the shore, slid down into the dirt and started writing in my head. An undetermined amount of time passed as I stared at all the nature around me, somehow thinking and feeling everything all at once, but at the same time, nothing at all. My mind was lucid but empty concurrently. I don't know if that makes sense or not; maybe it's something you have to feel for yourself.

I was so lost in vacant thought that I didn't even hear the guys walking up behind me-scaring me unintentionally. Ryan asked what I had been doing out here, and my response was met by strange looks from both after saying that I was writing in my head. Maybe that's weird to some people.

We trooped back to our campsite and the three of us romped around the fire for an eternity until the rest of our group returned at dusk. Upon returning, Trevor proudly displayed an enormous snowball that he had brought down from the top of the mountain for me. Trying to show my appreciation, I promised that "If it snows here, your snowball will be the head of the snowman I plan on making."

But it didn't snow, and the snowball melted in the bed of the truck where I left it waiting. Night fell over camp as we proceeded to plow through 16 hot dogs, about 20 little bags of chips, two cases of Coors Light, a case of Pabst beer, a fifth of Jack Daniels, and a half gallon of vodka. I think a detox diet is in order.

Although everyone physically went to bed around 10pm, the night promised no sleep for most of us. My tent consisted of Trevor, Broncheau, Monica and I. Three out of the four laid shivering while counting down the hours until daylight. I was one of them. At 6:00am I retreated on the idea of getting any sleep and wandered into the dark morning to get the fire started.

I putzed around for awhile, kicked some soaked logs across the frozen ground, and scratched my head a bit, I finally stood dignified in front of a warm, crackling fire. As heads began peaking out of tents and vehicles, I made sure everyone knew that I had made this grand fire all on my own.

The hours passed by and before we knew it, night was almost upon us again. We were now out of food, out of wood, out of alcohol, and sleep-deprived. It was time to pack up and head home, but not before agreeing to come out again this weekend. Hopefully then we'll be greeted by snow.

Making something out of nothing.

Life has been very dry and static lately. Math class is still kicking my ass and I'm currently clinging to the lowest grade I've ever had. There have been a few low points where I'm just ready to throw in the towel, knowing that I will never need this skill... maybe that's why escaping on a forever-vacation to Europe appeals to me the way it does. The monotony of life here dries out my mind and leaves me feeling like there is nothing new or creative to say. [Sorry for all you blog readers out there.]

Well... okay, now that I think about it, I have a confession... I have posted a few times but decided to save my readers the wincing, head-shaking, painful read that they were in for. Truth be told, I am in love with the fact that one glass of wine always leads to another, but for some reason, my brain under the influence seems to think it's a good idea to share my feelings on ex-boyfriends and unrequited love. I continually delete these miserable posts as soon as I come back to my senses. The ramblings are rather entertaining for me to look back on, but probably incredibly pathetic in the eyes of anyone else.

But even with a clear mind, it still awes me how someone could have left such an impact during the short amount of time that our paths crossed. I also don't understand why/how people get stuck caring about someone that never reciprocated the feeling. Even though the whole fiasco in mention was months ago, old emotions were teased into resurfacing out of a simple chat with an ex, and then spiraling me into a level of self-destruct mode that has never been seen before. I need to stop doing that. I joke with Brad that drinking should only be for leisure, not to drown the sorrows of my failing track record with relationships.

And the thing that keeps me going, that keeps inspiring me to dream big are thoughts about Europe. Every night while I'm falling asleep, I imagine what kinds of new experiences lay within this adventure I'm planning. It's starting to feel like I'm looking for something. Maybe I'm hoping to find a world that will finally make sense to me, yet I know people are still people no matter where I go.

I'll letcha know if I ever find it.

Math is not my cup of coffee

The midterm in precalculus is looming ominously in my near future. About 7 hours from now to be exact. My brain is wide awake and gyrating with functions, formulas, axis of symmetry, and still trying to figure out how I'm supposed to solve for the complex numbers of an equation. It's late, and to say I've consumed a reasonable amount of coffee at this point would be an understatement.

An onlooker would laugh at the sight of my cram session right now. As it is, I'm laying on the living room floor, feet dangerously close to the blazing fireplace, surrounded by math books, notebooks, binders, loose pencils and my laptop that are all spread out in a semi-circle around me. It's official: I've taken over the living room. Tomorrow might as well be doomsday.

As Gabriel says,

"Math is kind of an exact science, so... [*raises eyebrows half-sympathetically here*] if you don't understand it, well, that's kind of just your own fault."

Ah yes, so inspiring.

Time to get back to studying.

Cheers.

Shock Treatment

Saturday night was, um,... "interesting"... haha.

Everyone who knows my friend Bronch is well aware that he is a huge fan of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He attends the Admiral theater in Seattle every month for the one night that the show is playing, and oh my, what an event it is. It is custom for the patrons to dress accordingly so it's a good thing nobody in our group is shy...

Without fail, out came the leather corsets, the fishnet stockings, the ruffly panties, the black boots with 6-inch heels, the nipple pasties, and oh god, the purple wig.

**********

And Bronch doesn't stop at just the outfit, oh no, he gets into full character mode. Once that corset is laced up and the wig is in place, the flamboyant accent and hand gestures are unleashed. He played to the audience while we paraded the streets of Seattle, flaunting his black panties that boasted the words "Receiving Entrance" across his bottom. You would almost believe this is his normal attire.

As for the ladies, well, there wasn't anything too interesting or scandalous about us. I didn't have the opportunity to get full group photos, but I'm sure you'll see us soon in a local paper as attendees of the local Gay and Lesbian Film Festival.

*********
Here are a couple pics of us still getting ready. The other girls are still arranging their hair, and I am lacking the drag queen make-up that was applied shortly after. Enjoy.

big man in a flimsy box

On Sunday I went to the pumpkin patch with Lynsey and Bronch. We spent about thirty minutes complaining about the crowd and mediocre pumpkins before deciding to leave pumpkin-less.

Eventually we ended up finding our way to Safeway and digging through large cardboard boxes in search of the perfect pumpkin. It was rather amusing when Bronch insisted that he saw The One at the back of the selection. Onlookers gathered just to watch him barrel over the tops of flimsy cardboard boxes filled with pumpkins to get to it.

I teased, "Good job, Bronch. You're obviously the most flexible and agile one out of all of us."

And go figure, after he came crawling back with his prized pumpkin, he decided it was no longer quite what he had in mind.

Ugh, men.

Anyways, here is a picture of our finished project.

(hee hee, guess which one is mine?)

The Unity Project

I've had an epiphany, and I know exactly what I want to do.

Although the idea is still very rough, I wanted to share and hope that someone has some new ideas for me. I am going to write a book called "The Unity Project." I plan on traveling around the world, visit at least twenty countries, meet people everywhere I go, write about my adventures, and take pictures of everyone I meet holding the same sign that says "unity" on it. The best part is that it includes all my interests: photography, writing, and traveling. Maybe it is just my age, but right now I have this urgent desire to get away from the place I've always called home and experience something new. This seems like a decent reason to do so. I don't even care if the book is a bust; I am going to do it anyways.

It will take probably about a year for this ball to get rolling. Anybody have any interesting ideas for me for this project? Or better yet, anybody want to come with me?

No Reservations

I spent quite a bit of time yesterday considering different ideas for studying abroad or just straight up moving out of the U.S.
By the time I was off work at 7:00pm, I was feeling adventurous from all the thoughts flying through my head and just felt like leaving the country. I picked up Lynsey shortly after, and we were in Canada by 10:00pm.



There was not an ounce of planning that went into this trip. No idea if we'd be able to find a cheap hotel or not, and if not, we decided that we'd easily opt for sleeping in the car. The only real game plan was there would be alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

We find a hotel that Lynsey thinks might be cheap. After leaving the car in a public "pay-to-park" garage attached to the hotel, we swagger into the lobby, approach the counter, and I ask the man,

"How much for one night?"

He has a friend [who's name I know now is Greg] waiting in a chair close by who is apparently waiting for this man's shift to be over. The man stops chatting with his friend and says,

"Well... we really don't have much available tonight. Let me check.... Yea, we only have the executive king suite for $225."

I look at Lynsey with big eyes and know she's thinking the same thing. My next question was an obvious one,

"So, uh, how much to keep my car in the garage overnight?"

Haha, I crack myself up with lame humor sometimes, but they all laughed with me on this one so that was rewarding. Greg joins the conversation and starts directing us to where we can find "free parking" 3 blocks down, and take a right on Beach Avenue. The guy behind the counter [who's name I now know is Cory] laughs, glances over at his manager lurking close by, looks down, then back up at us grinning and explains that his friend just gave us directions to his house. We share another laugh, thank him for the advice on free parking, tell them both to have a good night, and head back out to the car.

So there we are in the parking garage, talking with the garage attendant and explaining that we didn't get a ticket on the way in, and that we've only been there for 5 minutes, and that he should please just let us drive out for free. We look up and see Greg walking towards us. He says he has come to apologize for Cory's behavior (?) and that he was clearly out of line. He asks what our plans are for the night. We give him a summary of how we ended up in Canada, and that there basically are no plans besides finding somewhere to get a drink. Ironically, (ha), he says that him and Cory are going out for a drink once his shift is over.

"Hey, sounds good to us."

We let him give us directions to a free parking lot, and from there we are to take a taxi to a club called "Relish". They will meet us there in 30 minutes.

And still, it sounds good to us.

We found the club, found the guys, made a ton of new friends, bar hopped the entire night until everything closed at 3am, and even at that point, a group of us went back to Cory's house for some more drinks.








As much as your mind is probably racing right now thinking about possible ways this night could end, the guys were gentlemen throughout the night, and Cory put Lynsey and I up for the night in his extra bedroom.

Our mini vacation was absolutely awesome. Didn't have to pay for a hotel, didn't have to pay for drinks, had great company, and this whole excursion came at the mere price of half a tank of gas. This, my friends, is why I drive a hybrid.

Feeling festive

It feels like Halloween outside. I love it.

I always love an excuse to dress up but haven't really been in the Halloween mood until this past weekend. Myself and some friends went to the House of Terror in Marysville on Saturday night, followed by a late night tromp through a "haunted" corn field in Snohomish. The line for the haunted house was short, but during the wait, we stood around making comments about the patrons who fled out of the house screaming.

I made my position known: "There is no way I am running out of a haunted house screaming because of a lame character with a fake chain saw. No way."

Ha. Little did I know. The lame character with a fake chain saw did, in fact, cause me to run from the attraction while screaming my head off. Broncheau actually had to grab onto my arm and pull me. He led the way with the screams, and I followed suit. By the time he let go of my arm I was hurtling towards an innocent bystander, and was barely able to fling myself around the man's lit cigarette.

I've decided that a good scream feels refreshing every once in awhile.

Afterwards, we found our way out to a dimly lit corn field and ventured through the Field of Screams. It had it's good points, had it's lame points, and I kinda got the feeling that a lot of the monsters had already left for the night. As Bronch says, "There was potential..."

And big surprise, we fled the corn field screaming while being chased by a character with a fake chain saw. How unoriginal, lol.

But in the end, I'm pretty hyped for Halloween. My calendar is filling up with parties, appearances, a trip to the pumpkin patch, and of course a day of pumpkin carving. I still need to decide which costume to wear... As you might know, I've acquired quite a few interesting costumes in the last few years (*wink*wink*). Should be good :)

Ha ha, gotcha.

Oh my, I love my friends lol. Last night at Angelica's house, we made "margaritas" for our study group. The only ingredients were blended ice and strawberry flavored margarita mix, (notice the lack of liquor...?). Angelica, Casey and I were all in on it, but poor Rylan fell victim to being our test subject as we proceeded to "get him drunk". Angelica questioned him every so often to see how he was feeling.

Halfway through his first slurpee:
"So, uh, Rylan... how ya feelin'? I mean, I know you don't really drink so I'm just making sure you're okay. You can sleep on my couch if you want."

Flashing two thumbs up, the normally quiet and reserved Rylan says, "Oh I'm doing GREAT! I feel really clear-minded right now, and focused."

He extends each arm out to his sides and continues to explain that drinking makes him really outgoing. Within minutes he is making up a rap song with me to remember math equations, while busting a beat and pretending to spin a disc like a DJ at the same time.

After a few pseudo margaritas, Angelica asks Rylan if he feels anything yet.

He says, "Yea... I kinda feel it in my lips."

And at that point, the three of us girls exchanged glances while suppressing laughter, and shared a look that said, "Okay, we have to tell him."

After telling him that he's been drinking nothing more than flavored ice all evening, he returned to his quiet self, and barely talked the rest of the night. All in all, it was hilarious, but you probably had to be there.

don't know what to tell ya

A few days ago during an online chat with my friend Brad, he asked me if there was one trait I could change about humans in general, what would it be? My immediate response was "greed". I've been reflecting on that thought more than ever since Saturday morning. There is a huge story that I won't go into, but my life has been affected a lot by greed in the past few days. Money changes everything, especially when it's missing.

coffee-coordinated

After a week of drowsiness and a leaky nose, I am finally feeling better. I survived my second week of Fall Quarter. This morning, I opened my eyes, blinked a few times, and looked through my window without having to move. My eyes met with the dreariness outside and I smiled, knowing that it is Fall and getting ever closer to winter--my favorite time of year.

At that point, I realized that it was 6:45am, meaning that I had overslept 45 minutes and the weekly quiz in my 7:30am math class wasn't going to wait. I dressed in clothes that were conveniently already on the floor, filled up my coffee mug, and darted out into the dark morning.
My blurry eyes and crazy hair must have made it obvious that I woke up late. Walking into math, clutching my coffee mug, and dropping my bag next to my usual seat as I moan and fall into the chair, I hear Gabriel's voice behind me.

"Those are the same pants you wore yesterday. They have a coffee spot on your right leg."

"...Hey, thanks for noticing." I say, chuckling because I feel like I was caught.

"Have you had coffee yet today?" I answer by shifting to the left, and motioning towards my mug so he can see it on the table.

"Did you know caffeine is bad for you? What would you do if coffee was made illegal?"

"Drop out of school and become a black market coffee hustler." Duh.

The math quiz ran late, and therefore making me late to Spanish class. Since the building that houses Spanish is located off campus, Gabriel and I drive there everyday, always barely making it on time. This guy drives like a mad man, like he's trying to rush a pregnant wife to the hospital, but he's not. I think he just likes to freak me out, and he laughs the whole time while pulling tricky maneuvers. This morning as I was enjoying a sip of coffee, he deliberately slammed the brakes, causing the car to jolt, and cascading coffee all down the front of my white sweater. More laughter.

Perfect. Just perfectttt. At least now my sweater matches my pants.

We run into class soaked from rain, and still catching our breath from the run from the car, and I can tell by way the teacher drops his head to look at us that he's not having a good day. It's the way a person with glasses will drop their head a few degrees in order to look at you over the rims of their classes; this teacher has the same stare, but no glasses.

Spanish class came and went. The school day wrapped itself up uneventfully and now I'm at work, catching myself staring mindlessly out the window at the rain again.

yea... this definitely sucks

The right side of my face has been numb for 5 1/2 hours at this point, and frankly, it sucks. I had two cavities filled earlier today and my face is still partially paralyzed from it.

I haven't written in the past week because it's been a fairly quiet week. I'm back to the daily grind of school, getting used to not getting enough sleep, and also finally feeling like I'm getting in shape. I am now only following the Atkins diet very loosely and focusing mainly on exercise. It's feelin' pretty good so far.

That's about all I've got for now. I'll update once something blogworthy comes along.

made my morning

I stopped off at Starbucks this morning, ordered a venti drip coffee, and the barista goes to fill up my cup. With her back towards me, she says,

"Would you like room for cream?"

"Yea that'd be great".

And without missing a beat, she turns around to face me and says, "Would you like a million dollars?"

.."Well, yea, that'd be great too."

Thanks, Starbucks Lady, your early morning wit made me smile the whole way to class.

for those who keep tabs on me...

It seems like change is the only constant in my life. Once in awhile I glance back on my old blogs to see what I was up to a few months ago, who I was interested in, what I was concerned about, etc. It’s only then that I realize the bad thing about keeping a public blog. It leaves me wide open for everyone to make observations about patterns I fall into, and how I change through different people that come in and out of my life. But if I really disliked that people are able to keep tabs on me, I wouldn’t keep writing.

Anyways, my reason for today’s blog is because over the weekend I was updating a friend on my “current events”, and told him about how “Charming” already had his eyes on me. This friend says,

“Jacee, don’t you ever think you should just… I dunno… be alone?”

Well, yes, that’s a fantastic point, but see, the thing is that I already know I am just fine being alone. The problem is with the people who constantly need someone else around just to feel happy. There is nothing at all about being single that bugs me. I don’t mind being my friends’ 3rd or even 5th wheel, sometimes I take road trips by myself, and sometimes I go out to a movie by myself if there’s something I want to see.

It wasn’t always like that though. It took me a long of being alone after the break-up with The Ex last year before I was comfortable being on my own. Now that I’m to that point, being single is great, but it’s also nice to have someone to call and say goodnight to before bed. The talking part is the best part, and is basically the only reason I ever keep anyone around. If we have stupid conversations or awkward silences, not happenin’.

And so yes, currently, I am “alone”, but all that means to me is that I have no valid reason to push Charming away from getting to know me just because it happens to be close to when my recent interest came and left so abruptly. But that is all beside the point. Earlier today I came to the conclusion, (mind you, this was after I feeling very lucid and PUMPED from cardio yoga, went jogging, and rearranged all the furniture in my room), that the reason I have no problem being alone in every sense of the word is because if all else fails (and I don’t find someone who will ACTUALLY stick around), I would love to just bust through life as one of those powerhouse women who doesn’t need anybody else (besides my family and friends XOXO :)

Maybe that’s just the jaded/bitter heart in me trying to get its two cents in, but I don’t see that turning out so bad. I’m glad knowing I can be happy either way.

a case of the Mondays

Oh man, I'm tired today, and I think that Charming-New-Man-Friend-With-The-Great-Smile got me sick when we hung out last week. Dang. My plan is to sweat it all out in hot yoga tonight, and I see this ending in one of two ways:
1. All goes according to plan, I sweat out the bug and carry on my merry way,
or 2. I get crazy dehydrated in the heat, pass out in class, and do more damage than good.
Should be fun.

I also started classes this morning. I had forgotten how much it SUCKS to wake up at 5:45am lol. Even though I was a few minutes late, and had to sprint across campus and up a flight of stairs, it was nice to fly into math and see four familiar faces. I don't spend enough time with school friends when class isn't in session (I'll try to work on that during the next break :) .

I'm one, not half of two.

I've had an epiphany. I'm done being pathetic over my recent break-up. I made a drunk dial earlier, and after it went to voicemail, I asked myself, "What the hell am I doing this for?"

One thing I'll never forget is when I asked this confused ex-boyfriend why he was even with me, and his response was, "I just want to be happy." At the time, this "being happy", meant being with me. When that was no longer the case, he bailed, and that's completely fine now because that's how a relationship should be.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't initially "completely fine" with the break up. In reality, when I woke up last Sunday morning, I was on my friend's living room floor, with my eyes almost completely swollen shut. I took a shower, put on a face masque to soothe my skin and warm tea bags over my swollen eyelids. As I washed my face and blew out my hair without any products or flat irons or round brushes, I stopped and stared in the mirror and my splotchy, swollen face. And I saw my big green eyes. As I shook my head, my unruly waves bounced and I decided that, for now, I just needed to worry about figuring out once and for all what was wrong behind those eyes.

waiting till the shine wears off

Looks like I'm back at square one. This is kind of a sucky place to be, because if you are back to square one, you have to start working on a plan from the beginning because your previous attempt failed, and the progress you made is now wasted. Wasting time... apparently I'm good at that. I am also too young to wait around for someone to tell me "maybe someday...". I'm beginning to understand that even though I know what I want, very few men I've met have any idea at all. And in the interest of not wasting anymore time, I've already been re-released into the wild with a bang.

And so far, square one really isn't lookin' all that bad. I'm wrapping up the greatest week I've had in who-knows-how-long, and although I do have a bit of man gossip, the reason my week has been so great was because I've spent more time with my 3 best girl friends than I have in the last year. Robyn has been hiding in Ellensburg for years but is now back in Federal Way. Not exactly local, but close enough for my hybrid to bust down there without breaking the bank. Speaking of breaking the bank, I FINALLY went to the Puyallup Fair! I've been trying to get down there for weeks but of course nothing ever works out as planned (story of my life haha). Lynsey, Robyn and I had a girls day at the fair, wrapped it up with a teriyaki dinner and lounging in the hot tub at her condo.

There are a lot of reasons why I'm glad Robyn is back on this side of the mountains, but for one, I never woulda met this oh-so-charming friend of hers. I know that time off after being completely dropped is generally a good rule of thumb, and yes I know that time heals all wounds, and blah blah blah... You know what else also heals wounds? The most gorgeous 26-year old I've ever met taking me across the ferry for a nice dinner on Bainbridge Island. I'm such a sucker for a handsome man with a big smile :) .

Yup, I think I'm gonna be just fine.

new rule

Rule #1. No drinking and blogging.

I just woke up and vaguely remembered a blog I posted about 5 hours ago. I hope I got it down before anyone saw it. How embarrassing.

rave for all things that make me sweat

Yesterday I was decided to expand on my recent obsession for yoga and signed up for a "hot yoga" class. At 130 degrees, the "hot" part was no joke. The workout itself in normal conditions would have been a piece of cake, but set in a room hotter than Africa made it almost unbearable. There were times when I could hardly see because of the sweat barreling down my forehead into my eyes, then trying to wipe it away only to realize that my hands and arms were already soaked. After 90 minutes of exhaustion in the studio, I stepped outside into the cool Washington weather feeling like a dehydrated raisin. All in all, it was a good experience and I highly recommend it. Even though I have my normal yoga class on Tuesday and Thursday nights, I think I'll incorporate hot yoga in at least once a week on Monday or Wednesday. Let me know if you'd like to join me sometime!

http://www.hotyogamillcreek.com/home

my kind of therapy

I'm very confused right now, and last night it seemed like a fantastic idea to drown my sorrows in Jack Daniels. I am realizing I have a hard time with that whole "drinking in moderation" concept. It was a great night even though both Jackies kept egging me on to take "just one more" shot of vodka. That was the deal, no tears of confusion or pathetic drunk dialing, just shots. I need to figure out what's going on. I need to figure out what I did wrong and if it's fixable. I wish I could put life on hold and just drive until I feel like stopping, and go find a field or a forest to relax in. Bring my camera, bring my notebook, and take some time to make sense of everything.

I'm kind of running away, but don't worry Mom, I'll be back by Monday before work. After I've served my time at work today (only 3 hours to go) I'm making the long trek out to the land-of-barely-no-cell-phone-reception to visit a friend I haven't seen in over a year. She's the kind of friend I need right now. Even while she's pushin' 40, we have such a great friendship that thrives off the age difference. She just gets me, and can give me advice like a mother and a best friend. I miss her. Hopefully that should keep my mind off of waiting for the phone call that tells me what's going on. I'm so confused :(

Man, sometimes I can be really pathetic. Ugh.

I wish it would rain.

I think I was right about the bad situation I talked about in last night's blog. Looks like I might have to let this light go and wait for the next one.

the queen of cliche

It's almost midnight now and I just got home. A few hours ago I decided to go on a late night adventure by myself to do some thinking.

A friend recently told me that he was disappointed in my blog over the past few months; that I used to be so full of wonder, and that the pattern in my writings is like watching a car accident in slow motion. That was kind of brutal, but that's why a field trip was in order. I wanted time to reflect on myself, the path I've chosen, and whether or not I'm happy with the way things have changed.

I ventured down to the University District and stopped by the 24-hour coffee and donut shop on 45th. This was the place I used to meet up with the homeless man I befriended, Lloyd. We'd get a round of coffee and donuts to enjoy as we sat and chatted about life while the world snowed in around the warm, little shop. To me, those were the good ol' days before I allowed myself to feel the bitterness around me. So tonight, I grabbed a coffee and headed over to Gas Works Park. That will always be the place I can find peace, and this definitely wasn't the first night I sat on the waterfront with only my thoughts.

People find beauty in different things, like watching the sunset or looking out at a serene mountain landscape. No doubt those are great things, but for me, there is so much beauty in the city at night. I get lost in amazement while gazing across the water at Seattle, something I think of as "accidental beauty"... maybe that makes sense to you, maybe it doesn't. I think too much about the little things, like the hundreds of people that possibly forgot to turn their office lights off when they left at closing, not knowing they were lighting up a picturesque view for people across the water, or the pilot navigating a plane as it flies breathlessly overhead, and the person cruising a low lit sailboat across the water. It all comes together perfectly without intention, and that it why I call it accidental.

So there I am, sitting on the waterfront sipping hot coffee, and thinking about life. Don is right, I used to have a giving heart. What changed in me? Is this what growing up does to people? How did people like Mother Theresa get through life without falling victim to this? While churning through different ideas about what happened to the old me, I pinned down something I've been feeling a lot of this past year, and I should've realized it sooner. Often it feels like I'm getting someone else's leftovers, getting what's left behind after everyone else has gotten what makes them happy, and then trying to hold onto something that I might not even want, just so that I've got something, too. This is where my relationships go wrong, not just romantic relationships, but with family and friendships as well. At what point does one decide to stop giving and demand whatever it is that makes them happy? Have I reached that point? And if I did, when? These thoughts remind me of how many mistakes I've made recently. I'm afraid I've set myself in a particulary crappy situation that I won't go into detail about, and all there is to do at this point is keep pursuing happiness and hope that all the other problems melt away. But still, it feels like I'm always catching the yellow light, caught between deciding to run it or be considerate and wait for the next one.

I've never understood why people in a bad situation will comfort another by saying, "It gets better," even if those words are empty. I'm exploring a new meaning in the phrase, maybe the "it" is the person they're speaking to. Maybe the key to happiness is knowing that I will get better... better at negotiation, better at knowing people, better at keeping myself safe, better at guarding my heart. I've said it before but I'll say it again, I know I'm young, and knowing that, I realize that I'm still learning, still growing, and realizing that I have all the time in the world to do so.

school stuff

The break from classes has been very rejuvenating. It feels good to sleep in and actually have time to get ready in the morning. I've earned the infamous reputation by my friends as always wearing something that looks remarkably similar to pajamas. It's no accident, I am just that lazy. But, for the last two weeks, I've been spotted many times wearing real clothes. Impressed? You should be.

Time off is definitely a breath of fresh air but I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of school. This quarter's roster of classes should keep me pretty busy. Math and I still disagree on many things but 5 of my school friends from Math 90 have signed up for precalculus and it'll be easier to take it with people I know. I'm glad my study group will stay intact. After math, I'm taking Spanish 101 and the concurrent lab 102. Should be good, a few friends have raved about the teacher (and if all goes according to plan, looks like I'm going to Mexico next year, better study up!). And lastly, yoga. Definitely my favorite class out of the line-up. I'm counting on it to whip me into shape. Whoever says yoga is easy deserves a good punch to the face. I did a couple short workouts from the On-Demand section of Comcast's features, and the yoga-cardio kicked my ass. My legs and arms feel like jello.

That brings me to the next topic, I started the Atkins diet yesterday as another attempt at getting back in shape. I'm liking it so far, I can handle only eating meat and vegetables, but in all honesty, the absence of alchohol is my diet is really sucking. After the first two weeks, I'm allowed a glass of wine with dinner. That's gonna be a bigggg glass, I'll tell ya that much already. Somebody needs to make diet wine. That would be amazing.

I guess that's all I've got for now. I'm heading to the theater tonight after work. Should be a good show, but I'll have to tell everyone to keep me out of the popcorn.

broken glasses and fake nails

What a beautifully dreary Wednesday it is. This day is perfect. Actually, I think everyday has been perfect since Aaron waltzed back into my life. In the last 3 weeks, I've talked to him on the phone more than I've talked to anyone in the last year. I don't think there's anything we haven't talked about. Our talks are kind an in depth interview as we test out how compatible we might be. In all our ramblings, we've touched on the topic of relationships many times and where people go wrong in them. We came up with 3 universal things that couples fight about but I'll save that for a different blog. I have a different theme in mind today.

I'm guessing a good majority of the females in my generation grew up watching Disney movies like I did. A lot of us probably had an obsession with princesses and fairy tales for a period of time. The picture of a "perfect relationship" was formed at a young, impressionable age and I know some girls that are still waiting for their unrealistic prince charming. The person I want to be with will be far from a prince.

I just want someone who can be real with me... who will still like me when I'm standing in the pouring down rain in front of his office at 9:30 at night, wearing wet, lazy day clothes and missing a fake nail. Someone who can laugh and say "fuck it" while showing me all the wine glasses he accidently broke doing dishes. Someone who giggles with me while trying to casually walk out of a nice restaurant when we are completely sauced from expensive wine. And when I say I don't want to go out because my face is sunburnt, he'll tell me my face could be green for all he cares. Hopefully I'm lucky enough to snag that man :)

hey cool, I can make this private.

I browsed through the options available and found some privacy settings. I'm glad I don't have to delete this blog since I've had it for awhile, but sorry about the annoying login page!

I dunno, I just want something flaming.

Last night was the 3rd date with Aaron and my head is still spinning. We went to the same place we did on our 1st date a few Saturday's ago. The staff there treat us like we've been long time diners there..."Oh it's always so nice to see you two!" That place is just all around great.

Getting your meal there is quite the production. Instead of just dropping your plate on the table, the waiter wheels out a little table and does a mini prep right in front of you. There are some entrees that come out flaming, and the waiter scoops fire onto your meal with a spoon, and lets it roll down the food. Last night, after having around a half an hour to decide (and not having decided anything besides the fact that he was feeling indecisive), the waiter comes to take our order and good ol' Aaron tells him, "I dunno, I just want something flaming." You had to be there in order to smile over that like I did, but it was funny. Aaron, I absolutely adore you.

will trade liver for dental insurance

I need to find a way to hustle up some dental insurance, pronto. Within the last week or so, the incoming wisdom teeth have begun their reign of terror over my mouth. I had always figured they just grew in right behind my last moler with some discomfort, but no. I have two huge bumps protruding from the roof of my mouth and working their way down into position. This sucks.

After 20 years, she HAS learned something

A few months ago I wrote about a military friend of mine that was home on leave, and about to head back to Afghanistan. Robert wasn't supposed to be home again until Christmas, but two days ago, his brother called and said he had a late birthday surprise for me. Turns out that Robert had about a week of leave that he stored up for a surprise visit. His family didn't even know he was coming. Ha, why did he have to pick finals week to come home? The timing was kind of bad, but tomorrow is my last final and then we'll be able to catch up for a few days before sending him off again. At least now he's done in Afghanistan, and we'll be shipping him back to Italy this time.

I was over at his parents house earlier catching up with the family I've known since grade school. It's weird, when I met them wayyy back in the day, I never thought that I was starting a long term friendship with the Torreys. It's cool to be close with people (outside of my own family) that I've known since childhood. I can't believe how fast time is passing. I'm wondering what happened to the first 8 months of the year, and we'll be wrapping this year up before I even have a chance to write another blog about it being over.

As far as my personal life is going right now, well, it's about as good as can be expected. I am absolutely singing from the rooftops over this Aaron guy, and I'm hoping that it evolves into something more than talking for hours every night. It has the potential to be something amazing... but, we'll see. I genuinely like this guy, and reading over my old entries (the public ones on here, and the personal ones I have elsewhere), I have finally noticed the pattern. My pattern. Seems like the guys I hung around were mostly out of convenience. David is Jackie's boyfriend's best friend, and when I was hanging out with Kip (wow that was already 5 months ago?!?), Jackie was dating Kip's friend. I find guys that would make a good friend, and try to cultivate it into something more. I need to stop doing that.

Maybe I finally have learned something. Maybe I finally realized what I want out of a relationship... not just any guy that I like to drink Coors Light and play Guitar Hero with, but someone I can talk to for hours every night.

Maybe I have finally grown up just a little bit. I like to think I've mellowed out quite a bit in the last 8 months. I don’t have the desire to go back to drinking four to five to six nights a week and eating copious amounts of pizza and Jack and the Box or Taco Bell at 3 a.m. Maybe I am ready for something real.

I’ve always been a dreamer. A hopeless romantic. And I am still a hardened cynic in many ways, but for some reason when it comes to dating I still have this really cheesy, idealistic side that keeps me from joining the convent or just plain swearing off men altogether. Maybe there's still hope for me (my mom is probably laughing as she reads this, "Jacee, you're still young!")because for the first time ever, I'm talking to this new love interest without forgetting about all the lessons I've learned and the mistakes I've made.

I'm liberating myself.

Myspace account is deleted again. Feels good.

*sigh*

she's got her head in the clouds again

I feel like a serial dater... Within weeks of that bonehead David screwing me over, I am already sorta kinda enamored over the guy I wrote about a few weekends ago. I don't necessarily think this "serial dating" is a bad thing though. Whenever I meet someone new and enjoy their company, I figure I might as well get to know him better before ruling him out for whatever reason I find us incompatible. Don't want to shut anything down before ever finding out if there's anything there.

Anyways, I gotta be honest, and I'm gonna throw this out there but don't think too much about it... This Aaron guy has really left an impression on me as of late. I've never been a huge fan of talking on the phone, but since that first dinner date, I've spent hours every night, laying in bed with a hot cell phone pressed against my ear, just chatting the night away with him. Talking about anything and everything. Talking about our day, about work, family, friends, sharing ridiculous ideas, crazy stories, future adventures, and sometimes throw lame jokes back and forth. But, he laughs at my lame jokes.. and I love that. I don't know what will come out of this, if anything at all, but for now, I'm so happy for this amazing budding friendship that I never knew was there.

Old enough... to party.

The party was so much fun! Thanks to everyone who came out :) There are a million pictures floating around, but these are my favorite ones of me and the ladies.

Officially NOT a teenager!

Finally! I'm finally freakin' 20! It's about time. Tonight will quite possibly be the biggest party we've ever had, and I am SO excited to see all my friends in one place. Our venue of choice happens to be Jackie's parents' property up in Stanwood so we can accommodate all our friends. This is Matt's birthday party also and we are doin' it right! Plenty of pictures to come over the weekend, but just a little preface to get you excited, there will be a bon fire, bbq, dirt bikes, volleyball, and a camp out on the property. Yay!

I don't think I'll be able to get the taste of immune fizz out of my mouth for days. No time to be sick right now! Seems like I get sick kind of often. Probably my own fault though. It was creepin' up on me for a few days, and completely invaded over the last two nights. Always tryin to get me while I'm asleep... I was defeated this morning and actually stayed home from school *GASP!* But there is good news: I am completely done moving, and finals are next week (which sucks for the short-term, but then I HAVE A WHOLE MONTH OFF). Exciting, I know.

Put this under "ways to get the girl"

A few days ago, I had an amazing blast from the past..

An old acquaintance, Aaron, called and said I should keep Saturday night reserved for him because he wanted to take me out for a "nice" dinner. To me, Olive Garden is a "nice" dinner, but I emailed him to find out where we were going so I could dress accordingly. He responded and said it's "kind of a nice place, so you should wear a dress." Kind of a nice place? My ass! That was the nicest place I've ever been to! He sent me the link so I could check out the restaurant's website and after seeing how nice of a place this was, I called my mom for an emergency session of nails, tanning, and shopping.

I was initially impressed that he was planning on driving all the way up from Renton to pick me up. This is kind of lame, but I don't think I've ever actually been picked up for a date. Obviously I've gone out to eat with previous boyfriends, but never had a legitimate date where the guy parks the car and walks to the door like they do in movies. That was exciting enough for me. I woulda been happy with Olive Garden.

We headed South, and after braving Seattle traffic, made it to the street the restaurant was on, but were opposite the side where the valet is. In another feat of impression, he flipped a U-turn in the middle of the crowded street, stopped the car, jumped out of his seat, ran around the car to open my door, tossed his keys at the valet guy, and in we went.

The restaurant was beautiful inside with dim lights and candles on all the tables. There was a live band but I didn't have time to absorb what they were playing because he directed me to the hidden downstairs area where "the music is better". The setting on the lower floor was the same atmosphere as upstairs, and the band playing there sounded very Frank Sinatra. I was loving it all.

We were there for about 3 hours, and in that time we emptied two bottles of veryyy expensive wine, and ate the most expensive crab cakes I've ever seen. Our dinner bill was more than I make in a week.

I am still beeming over last night... and we have a 2nd date next Saturday for my birthday :) My world is perfect right now.

The Stench of Today

Hey Matt, I know you read these, but what I don't know is if you remember the events of last night. Yesterday I realized that there would be no sleep for me that night. Math test, psychology test, and political science project were on my schedule for today. Last night, as a last second attempt to cram as much knowledge in my head as possible, I recruited a few friends to come over and study together. They showed up around 11pm, and I really have no idea what time you came waltzing in. There was no forewarning, no knock, and before I had even spit out the words to tell you that Jackie wasn't home, you were cozied up on the couch making small talk. The study group was a bust, but dear god, you were entertaining.

You spent a good hour trying to convince me that I really, REALLY, need to give another one of your friends a chance. You danced a little. You talked a lot of shit. You obnoxiously bragged about various sexual conquests. You drank the rest of our beer. You were actually upset that my cat wasn't home to play with. You laughed hysterically (by yourself) while recalling pieces of my blog. You farted on me, and said I should title my next blog as "The Stench of Today", just so I could tell the story of you farting.

I gotta be honest with ya, if you ever stopped showing up at my house at all hours of the night to share your drunken prophecies, or stopped using the scaffolding as your personal route from your patio to my patio, I probably wouldn't like you all that much.

Cheers.

The Good Times in Leavenworth

The hat shop, the river, the taffy shop, camping, shopping, the pizza place... too many memories to list. Here are some of my favorite pics from the trip. Enjoy.

someone get me a drink.

I'm glad to be home. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the time with my friends, but now I'm sun burnt, dehydrated, tired, and kind of disappointed. Everything was fantastic until Saturday evening when it all just fell apart. I fell apart. I hate to admit this, but past relationships have left me very paranoid that every guy I date is doing stuff behind my back. I am finding out that if I get that feeling, it's usually because it's true. Always go with your gut instinct, right? Well, I snooped, and found out a lot more than I cared to find out. The shock of it all left me dumb struck and kind of put me into autopilot for the rest of the trip.

Every day that goes by, I realize more and more how much there is that I don't understand. I don't understand why people cheat. I don't understand how someone can consistently lie to someone's face. I don't understand how you can tell me that you're hurt too. You're not hurt, and you only feel bad because you got caught. You feel guilty, that's what that annoying little feeling is.

I hate to admit it, but this world is making me bitter. I'm mad. Not mad at you though, mad at myself. Coming into this situation with you was really setting myself up to be hurt. People warned me but you pursued so hard that I had to give it a shot. But, now that you had your experimental phase, you can go back to her and we'll both be a bit wiser.

All this reminds me of a time back in high school I asked my history teacher why we have to learn about stuff that happened a long time ago, and he said "We learn history so we don't make the same mistakes again."

You obviously didn't learn anything from the last 3 times you left her, but I still wish you luck because you're entitled to happiness even if it isn't with me.

24 Hour Fitness ruined my day

Well, Everett 24-Hour Fitness, you've left me no choice. I will be in there on Monday to raise hell with one of your managers. I was in there last month to cancel my account, and when asked why, I told the girl at the counter that I'm a student and just can't afford $50 a month anymore. She told me that I wouldn't be charged anymore and that was that.

Today I was looking over my online banking, and low and behold, there's a $50 withdrawal from 24-Hour Fitness for July's dues. I called in and was told that if I don't cancel at least 30 days before a bill date, I will be charged for that billing cycle. Doesn't that seem kind of odd? Is it even possible to cancel 30 days before a billing cycle since the billing is done every 30 days? People don't just go in and say "Hey I'd like to cancel my account, and yea it's July 19th now, so let's see, the bill comes out every 16th, so alright looks like you're gonna end up charging me for August dues also, so technically my account is still valid until September 16th. Perfect."

I was not warned about this. I did not budget for this. There goes my gas money for a week and a half, but I guarantee you will feel my wrath on Monday.

Two In A Million

Today I heard about a mixed race couple that gave birth yesterday to a pair of twins; one with black skin, one with white. I think that is absolutely beautiful. Oh what a fabulous melting pot we live in.

An Open Letter To Myself

Dear Jacee,

There are some things you've really been needing to hear, and since nobody else knows quite what to say, looks like this is the only way to do it.

There are things you need to let go of. Just a few days ago, you were afraid when your phone rang at midnight to inform you that Chris was released, but then WHY are you now wishing you could talk to him? The phone calls from blocked numbers have already started, and we both know it's him, and I also know you think about answering it just to hear his voice. Well what the hell do you think he would say? That he was sorry?? Grow up, Jacee. This is not the time to play the "what if...?" game.

I know it's hard, and I can't tell you when it'll ever get easier. But trust me on this one - it's better this way. Let the ashes fall as they did and don't stir it back up.

And take responsibility, Jacee! When I say responsibility, I don't mean accountability, nor blame or guilt. I mean taking the issues that have been given you and methodically and wisely deal with them. From this day forward, if you do not accept this responsibility, you then become accountable and will be the blame for all that has happened. And only then will you have the right to feel guilty, because you will be.

There is one more thing I want to say. I've never told you this before, because I thought you knew. That is my mistake and am changing it right now. And please think of this often: Nobody can do for you what I can; nobody can help you like I can; nobody can love you like I can. I am your best friend. And there is nobody else that I can say that to.

Love, me.

Spoke too soon

Well kids, lock your windows and doors, keep the torches lit: Chris was released in the wee hours of this morning. I guess his new charges were dropped. At midnight and at 2:00AM this morning I received calls from V.I.N.E (Victim Information & Notification Everyday) to let me know that he was now out and free to terrorize the public. God help us all.

Generation Y

One thing I've always had an interest in the cultural impact of generations, and more importantly, the way each group is analyzed, and it's decided what characteristics and trends apply to each group. After reading up today, I'm highly disappointed in the reviews of "Generation Y", my generation.

By definition, anyone born between 1978 and 1990 are part of this group, and besides being narcissistic, and we have nothing to contribute to society because of our poor taste in music and movies. Bands that emerged during our time will be washed out and forgotten, and not only are we susceptible to media advertising, we actually enjoy scripted reality tv and lame parody movies. Oh, it gets better- another strike against us is that a whopping %65 of us will boomerang back home after graduating college, and not only that, but once we get there, 42 percent of us aren't leaving for at least a year. That's right parents, I'm holding down the nest for a longggg time.

Come on folks, you can't blame us. While I at least hope that all these traits don't apply to me (there's that narcissim for ya), I think we're a pretty good group. I read about some "new-age" parenting phase that happened while my group was growing up that essentially made us all pansies. Our nickname "Entitlement" comes from the fact that our parents praised too much for daily tasks that shouldn't have been praiseworthy. Now we're all narcissistic, self-loving, and think everything we do is just fantastic because we've learned that we can be praised for unworthy accomplishments.

BUT, we're also more independent than previous generations because of the ever rising rate of divorce and single parenting. We're also more diverse and were raised in more of a melting pot; hopefully that makes us more accepting..?

In conclusion, I think this is crap. To make sweeping statements of an entire generation (or any group for that matter) isn't only unfair to those in the group, but it's also dangerous to fools who blindly believe them. Maybe some of the "negative" behaviors my generation exhibit are actually intuitive responses to a changing economy. And if you want to keep up, you better change, too.

Watchin' them Foos Fight

Last night the Foo Fighters came to the Key Arena in Seattle. Maybe it's because I'm not a huge fan of the band, or that the ability to enjoy myself was dismissed by the thought of my law book waiting to read, or maybe that the Key Arena just sucks for acoustics, but it ended up not being my cup of tea. They put on a good show for die hard fans, but to anyone who's ears are accustomed to a reasonable decibel level of music, this comparably was loud, brain-rattling garbage.. I think I'll stick to watching comedians at the Key Arena from here on out. My ears still feel like they are full of water and the headache hasn't ceased. And that, is where I will end my rant for the day.

Hey, you're not fooling anyone.

Ah yes, milk. A good source of calcium, a good source of certain vitamins, and it’s even a good source of protein. But apparently, that’s not all. Milk also happens to be THE miracle weight loss drink.

Apparently...

I should rewind and explain why this is my topic for today's rant before expanding. I am considering some sort of short-term detox diet just to unwind from all the Red Bull and Cheetos I've been surviving on recently. I am amazed at how many bogus diets there are floating around the internet. Try looking up the "candy bar diet", or the "ice cream diet". Yes, they are indeed out there.

Anyways, back in the day when I had TV, I remember seeing a commercial advertising milk as a weight loss secret, and more specifically, the web site 2424milk.com. Maybe you’ve seen it? The “2424″ stands for “24 ounces of low fat or fat free milk every 24 hours.” Every commercial states pretty much the same thing their web site states. And, that is that drinking milk, as part of a reduced calorie diet, will make you lose weight.

Hold on. Let me repeat that.

If you reduce the number of calories in your diet… and THEN drink 24 ounces of low fat/fat free milk per day… it will lead to weight loss.

I don’t know who is behind this whole ad campaign, but I’d put my money on it being the same geniuses who brought us the Special K Diet. Their whole thing was that eating Special K cereal, as part of a reduced calorie diet, helps your weight loss.

Well, guess what? Eating a McDonald’s cheeseburger, as part of a reduced calorie diet, will make you lose weight.

Banging your head against a wall, as part of a reduced calorie diet, will make you lose weight.
It’s not the milk, it’s not the Special K, it’s not the cheeseburger, and it’s not the head banging… it’s the “reduced calorie diet” part. That’s it. Consume less calories than your body needs and you lose weight.

Every food and drink on the planet could make the exact same claim that milk is making here. Really, McDonald’s would be just plain crazy not to register 2424cheeseburger.com.

Oh my God, do you know what I just realized? What if you eat your Special K cereal… IN A BOWL OF MILK? Holy crap, you may drop 50lbs instantaneously! There should really be some kind of warning about combining these products. “May cause extreme amounts of weight loss… as part of a reduced calorie diet.”

this is CRAP

OMYFRIGGINGOSH. I hate living here. This is crap. I came home from school this morning around 9:30am, did homework for a few hours, took a shower, got dressed all cute (even though it was just to go to work), and when I open my front door to head off to work, what am I greeted by? A huge freaking sheet of plastic. Yup, plastic... stapled around my door frame because they must be doing painting in the hallway. So what do I do? Bust my way through the plastic and take the walk of shame to my car while dozens of workers stare at their beautifully destroyed work? Ugh. Nope. I surrender. I call dad, tell him I'm trapped inside... I'll be late, maybe not even come in at all today because they might not take it down until they leave. If that happens, I'll have to switch today for my usual day off which is Thursday. THIS SUCKS because I JUST FINISHED organizing a study group for Thursday in the school library, starting at 11:00am with people from my law class. Sorry guys... looks like I'll be ditching the study group I put together because now I'll have to work at 1 on Thursday.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, construction workers for screwing up my WEEK because you have an obsession with plastic.

I do not appreciate this day off.

livin' the dream

Well it's back to the daily grind of school and oh man, I'm keepin' pretty busy. The roster this quarter is Math, Political Science 200: Intro to Law & Legal System, and Psychology 206. It's possible that I've dranken my weight in caffeine beverages today but hey, I'm being extremely productive so don't judge me! I think I twitched the whole way through math class.

So I was on the way to school this morning and I listened to two songs on the radio back to back, and couldn't figure out if it was a legitimate song, or some paid advertisement by the state police. I still don't know, but it sure was hokey... singing about losers driving while talking on their cell phone, and old drivers who shouldn't be driving because they didn't pass their eye exam. Anybody else hear these lately? If that's a real artist, well, somebody lied to them.

All in all, my spirits are pretty high these days. I love being back in school despite my returned lack of social life. It feels good to be moving forward, even though I'm currently living in the "broke-college-student-dream" as I like to call it: the milk in the fridge expired June 22nd, my gas tank is always dangerously low, and I've been shaking the same shampoo bottle for two weeks past empty- but I'm happy.

Ever since the blurb of Kip I've been reluctant to write about anything going on in my personal life. Mainly because I felt like such an idiot after all that, but man, some of you guys sure are good at sweet talking. It's unneccessary at this point to divulge any real details, but there is a man... and that's all you need to know :) . I'll wait on it for another month or so just to make sure this isn't another Kip. Stay tuned and you'll find out one of these days.

Cheers.

RANT

Some people have what is called a "cardinal trait", a characteristic about them that can overall sum up who they are as a person, and this trait is visible in them throughout day to day life. An example would be Mother Theresa who was compassionate, and Abraham Lincoln was known for his honesty. Having a cardinal trait isn't common, and if I had one, I hope people would see me as loyal. I will always stand by a friend even if she/he is doing something I disagree with.

Even if you were my best friend, and I could see you lying to me through your teeth about something, I would still stand by your side. Maybe it's because you don't even know what you want that causes you to say one thing and do another. Maybe I should just give up on the subject and let you make your own mistakes, but stop lying to me about it.

Enough said.

This is NOT what I signed up for.

We had a noise complaint a few weeks ago and ever since then, it seems like our mere presence is a catalyst for drama. It was a legitimate complaint and I saw it coming. I was actually supposed to be elsewhere that night but when Jackie told me who she had invited over, I cancelled plans and came home to hold down the fort. I don't blame them for complaining that time because the noise was ridiculous, but ever since then, they've really gone over the top.

After the incident, the neighbor left a nasty note on our door listing all the rules we had broken. I wrote her back an entire page of syrupy-sweetness and she loved it. The next day there was a Thank You card on my door. She said we had made amends and that it was no longer a big deal, but still felt it necessary to mention it at the next homeowners meeting. All the board members dislike us already and involved our relator. Now I get a call every few days from either the relator or somebody on the HOA board to talk about disturbances.

As of today, I've had enough. I was leaving for work and at no fault of my own, or anybody I know, there was a Sparks beer can by my front tire. Oh lucky me guess who happened to be walking by at that moment? Some nameless person on the board of nazi homeowners. She made the motion of rolling down my window while still pointing at the beer can, and proceeded to tell me that this must be my beer can because they are "consistently cleaning up garbage after people that come to [my] house". The expression on her face didn't change after I pushed the fact that this was not my beer can. Can someone please tell me how my beer cans look different than someone else's beer cans? We've been very picky about who comes over ever since the noise complaint, and basically we've only had a few girly friends dwindle in and out here and there. Long story short, Lady, any garbage you find is not mine.

And I'll tell you what, Lady, as long as we're on the subject of discontent, I'm sure you'd care to hear this is NOT what I signed up for. When I signed that lease, I had windows. I had BLINDS. I had a patio. I didn't have construction guys walking through my house without notice. I didn't know I would be waking up after a nap on the couch, and seeing my patio door open with men on my patio, playing with my cat. I didn't know all the parking spots would be filled by construction materials. I didn't know we would never get a garage key, or a cabana key, or a mailbox key. I didn't know everyone in the building would start blaming everything on us!

I've got news for you Lady, they aren't my beer cans, and at this point, you're lucky I don't go postal on you.